I’m starting to develop a complex. Twice within 2 weeks, two different guys had initiated conversation with me and in the midst of my responding to a question they walk away…as I’m still talking. Was it something I said? Can you not hear me talking back to you? Is my breath that offensive? Did I bore you in my half a sentence? It’s not like I had been jabbering on and on and they couldn’t get a word in edgewise to say “nice talking to you, but I’m going over here now”. I wasn’t saying anything offensive or rude. And it wasn’t like a passing “What’s up?” and my trying to tell them all my woes they don’t care to hear when clearly they had somewhere they were going. Both times we had been talking for only a minute or so. Both times I was responding to something they had brought up and asked me about. And both times they didn’t have an emergent situation pressing them to run out of the room. Both times they stayed in the same room to talk to other people that weren’t going anywhere. I don’t care if you only want to talk to me for a minute as long as I know the conversation is over before you walk away and I look like a schizophrenic talking back to her voices.
I went grocery shopping earlier. I really didn't want to go and almost didn't, but I knew I'd regret it having only so much food left in my fridge and cupboards and knowing I won't have any time to go until Thursday- so I went. (I know, what an exciting thing to post about, but I never claimed this blog was about anything exciting. In fact "about nothing" is in the description so don't say I didn't warn you).
I went to 2 stores. I did most of my shopping at the first, and the second I went to just to pick up my dinner as a treat for myself since I didn't feel like making anything (and because I know you're curious, I got the Tuscan chicken sandwich from Safeway, it's a favorite of mine. And ginger ale. Yum) It doesn’t take much to entertain me and I usually find myself smiling at random things I see or thoughts I have even when I’m walking by myself. Here are few things I encountered on my dreaded shopping trip that made it entertaining for me:
1. A sign over the vitamins that said something like “Emptying vitamin bottles and leaving the empty container is SHOPLIFTING and you will be prosecuted.” Thanks for the warning. I had no idea. It’s sad that it was a problem to begin with.
2. The cashier telling the person behind me he should go to checkout #2 where there was no line after he already had his stuff on the conveyor belt and I was already done paying. She only had to bag 2 more things when she stopped and told him to go to the next lane so he wouldn’t have to wait. He got all his stuff, went to the next lane and the checker there stepped away before she saw the guy was coming, she had to get called back and in the end he wound up probably waiting longer than if he had stayed put where he was to start with. I had to smile at the irony when I saw the other cashier walking away.
3. Having the deli worker at safeway ask if I wore contacts (no) and then tell me they were a pretty pretty blue as he handed me my sandwich. Hahaha. I didn’t have the heart to break it to him that he got the color wrong, but it sure made me smile and laugh to myself after I thanked him and walked away.
4. Seeing my diet ginger ale on the conveyor belt between the beer of the person in front of me and vodka and ice of the people behind me. It didn’t quite fit the beverage theme for a Saturday night. I felt pleasantly innocent and enjoyed the contrast.
I was super cranky today. I had a crazy shift at work, wasn’t able to fall asleep at all the 3 hours before I left for church so it was like a normal person going to church at 3 in the morning if they woke up at 7am the day before after working their third 12 hour shift of the week. I was so tired I felt like I could sit down and cry for no good reason. I wound up losing patience and spoke in a snotty tone to someone who was only trying to provide helpful although unsolicited instructions. I feel little for letting my crankiness win. I can’t remember the last time I let that happen with anybody other than immediate family. It might have been a first, and I hate that. I have my fair share of cranky days, but I usually have the presence of mind to keep myself in check when I’m dealing with people knowing that they don’t mean to ruffle my feathers and if I was feeling better the thing that had bothered me probably wouldn’t bother me so much. It really bugs me that I lost it today.
I feel super blessed. Every time I go for a jog whether it’s at dawn with the sun rising, dusk with the sun setting or in the middle of the afternoon when the pine needles are warm and fragrant; every time I drive to Chico on Skyway and see the pink/purple/blue sky as the sun sets with the purple mountain outline; every time I see the pink hazy clouds out of the windows at the end of a shift at the hospital as the sun comes up, I think to myself how awesome it is to live and work in Paradise. I love stepping outside, taking it all in and just breathing. It’s beautiful and so far I love it here. The stars in the sky are by far brighter than any other city I’ve lived in (which is only a few). Fall weather has come and it’s kind of fun to have the leaves fall around you as you make your way down the street. I’ve always felt that whenever a leaf fell near me that was God’s way of saying hello. I think it stemmed from when I was going to school at Sac State, and every time I got to the arboretum towards the pedestrian tunnel walking from the institute building a leaf would almost always fall as I passed. It made me sad the few times it didn’t happen. Sometimes without thinking I’ll catch myself saying hi to a leaf as it flutters to the ground near me, but whether I do or not falling leaves always make me smile.
I’m super lucky. I love that I have a job that is providing me with the experience I’ve worked so hard and long to get. I have super people I work with that make me feel super lucky to be there. I had a patient ask me the other day what my favorite part of nursing was. I thought about it for a minute and I told him I liked that I could increase my knowledge and skills while helping people at the same time. I find the most rewarding moments though are in the little things, like when I notice a patient looks cold and I bring them a warm blanket and they tell me I had just been sent from heaven.
I’m super grateful. Whenever I say my prayers I feel like I can never express the gratitude I feel for everything I have been blessed with this year. Sometimes I can’t believe how super blessed and super lucky I am. I’ll have to remember those the next time I’m super cranky so I’m not super rude.
Ever since high school I have appeared to be younger than I am. I’ve made numerous people uncomfortable when they realized they just told a visiting 20 something year old woman walking the hallways of the church building to go to young womens (a church program for girls 12-17 years old), or were told by their JoAnn’s cashier on a Thursday morning, “No I don’t have classes today…No it isn’t a school holiday…what? No I’m not in highschool anymore.” When I was about 22 or so we had sister missionaries over for dinner and they thought my younger brother by 4 years was older than I was. I love seeing people’s reactions when they find out. Always surprise followed by awkward words to try to make up for their mistake as if trying to make me feel better about looking so young such as: “Oh! Don’t worry, you’re going to LOVE that when you’re older!” or, “Well, you’re lucky. You’re going to be carded well into your thirties” or whatnot. It’s really funny. I don’t need reassurance that I will love looking young when I’m old, because I loved looking young when I was young. To others I still appear to be younger than I am, but upon closer scrutiny you can see the fine lines and crinkles around my eyes and white hair growing in, but I seem to be the only one that sees it. The really fun awkward moments (like the above instances rather than someone just thinking I’m a few years younger than I am- which is a regular occurrence) are happening much less often, but I find they still occasionally pop up.
I must have a young sounding voice too, because I was making an appointment with a piano tuner over the phone yesterday and he didn’t ask me about when I’d be free, or home, or what my work schedule was, he asked if I had school in the mornings. Whenever stuff like that happens I kind of want to laugh and say, “haha! Tricked you!”
I went to a dinner and a church broadcast for women 18 and older last weekend and was sitting at a table with a few friends and a couple other women whom I didn’t know, but seemed to be maybe in their early 30’s (I’m a horrible judge of age myself) and young moms (one was pregnant). The pregnant lady was asking everybody’s names at our table and there were a couple younger girls sitting next to me and she asked if we were all freshmen. The first girl said no, she just graduated with a BA. They talked for a bit. She went on to the next girl who WAS a freshman. They talked for a bit. Then she looked at me and asked if I was a freshman too. I just smiled shook my head and said no. She said, “Oh, what…(slight pause here while she tried to figure out the rest of her question and finished with-) are you?” I told her I was nurse. That took her by surprise, and it took her a minute to recover and process what I said. My response probably wasn’t anywhere along the lines of what she was thinking because she seemed confused and was saying stuff like, “oh…so…you’re…” not really completing any sentence. Haha! Tricked you!
I could tell she wanted to ask how old I was, but she was too polite to do it. She finally got her next question out “But you go to the YSA ward right?” She seemed relieved when I told her I did. She was a very nice lady. I never hold it against anyone when they mistake my age, mostly because I think it’s funny, they already seem to be uncomfortable enough when they find out, and even though they wrongfully assumed something it’s not like it was an offensive assumption. They didn’t call me Mister, or ask when my baby was due. I’m not sure how much longer I can pull it off, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the discrepancy between my appearance and my age. I feel like my age is a secret to the world and it’s been fun messing with people without even doing anything.
Yesterday I left my apartment in the morning and there was this stool just sitting there under my kitchen window in front of my door. It was still there when I got back and there it stayed all day and all night. I was going to take a picture of it, write a story about it and then move it to one of my neighbor’s doorways so they might enjoy its company as much as I had. I named it Stoo. I left this morning to run an errand, and Stoo was still there. It was still there when I got back. I went to dump my garbage a few minutes after returning and on my way back from the dumpster remembered that I had wanted to take a picture of my visiting stool. When I approached my doorway I found Stoo had disappeared. Must have been camera shy. It was a nice visit while it lasted.
I’m trying to get rid of the excess parts of me. I have been keeping the things in my grocery cart healthy and go jogging/walking every morning and sometimes go for an additional walk in the evening. Then like an idiot on Monday I really wanted to bake something and made snicker doodles. I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously I wasn’t because I added twice as much butter as I should have and when I mixed it all together and saw the greasy consistency I realized what I had done and had to double the recipe. Holy cow, I have way more snicker doodles than I was anticipating. I filled my cookie jar, filled a bag and froze it and had another smaller bag I left out. The smaller bag is gone and now I’m working on the jar. Somebody come save me because I am not strong enough to save myself.
My milk’s expiration date is today. Only once in the last 9-10 months of living by myself have I ever drank or used all of my milk before it turned bad- and I buy the smaller ½ gallon container. I like having it for when I want it, but I don’t want it that often. I just drank about 16 oz in order to prevent wasting it…and of course I had to have 2 snicker doodles to go with it!
It seems I’m not remembering my dreams as much as I used to, which is kind of sad. I have had some really interesting dreams, but the one’s I am able to remember lately are not nice. Last night I dreamt I was holding a little baby. Out of nowhere I’m suddenly in water about chest deep and I look at the baby and the level of the water was covering the baby’s mouth and nose. I immediately lifted it above the water and it was all blue. I did baby CPR and saved the baby but it scared the crap out of me and felt like it was my fault for not realizing I was holding the baby under water. It was horrible. It reminded me of another crappy dream I had in high school. I was hiding behind some bushes and watched a mother put her two kids in a big pit, gave them their favorite toys and then proceeded to bury them alive. The creepy feeling after I woke up from that one was so strong, I remember being afraid to drive myself in the dark to seminary that morning. Hopefully I’ll have happier dreams tonight.
In discussing NCMO with a friend, I have decided that everything about it makes me angry. It’s all bad. It doesn’t surprise me, but it really bothers me how common it is, even in LDS circles where standards are supposed to be high. I wish people would realize the world does not revolve around them and it is rude to risk someone else’s emotions for their own pleasure. Even if both parties are agreed that “it is what it is and nothing more,” is that the kind of person we want to be viewed as? A person with no self-control, who holds no meaning in meaningful things, and a liar? When it comes right down to it, people who participate in NCMO have no respect for themselves, or for their partners. I worry about NCMO participant’s future married relationships. What else is ok because it’s just fun? What else would the aim of their pleasure sacrifice? Would someone so apparently self-centered be able to easily consider the needs of their spouse above their own? I would never participate in an activity that would lead somebody that I am not interested in a potential or continuing relationship with to believe I was. It’s lying through action and not a kind thing for the other person to experience. I don’t know how people can be so unaware of other people, and how they must feel. Kisses are supposed to be special. How special are they if they are wasted on who ever just because one hasn’t kissed someone in a few months and they have a willing partner? They’re meaningless kisses. It’s not fair that a girl has to wonder whenever she’s kissed if the guy holds the same meaning in it she does since today kisses seem to mean nothing. I’m not saying a kiss has to mean everything, but it should at least mean I like you and want to continue pursuing a relationship. I seriously hope I am not alone in reserving my kisses for the times when they mean something.
My favorite month is only a few days away. Good things happen to me in April. I’m not sure if it‘s because I have the positive outlook that good things are going to happen because it’s April so they do, if they happen because I make them happen because it’s April and good things MUST happen, or if it’s because April just loves me. Either way, I love April. It’s my favorite month of the year.
Nothing important #2
I got a phone call from a girl asking for Brian awhile ago. This is not the first time I have received a phone call or text message for a person with this name. I informed her she had the wrong number to which she replied, “REALLY??”
I was thinking, “No, I’m sorry, I’m Brian. How may I help you?” Instead I told her that yes, she has the wrong number, this may have been Brian’s number before but it isn’t now. She came back with, “but I just spoke with Brian on this number yesterday. Is this 867-5309?” (She didn't really use this number, she said mine).
“Yes it is, area code 916?”
“Yeah…I must have misdialed…” Uhhhm, lady, I just told you the number you dialed was the number you got. I thoroughly expected her to call right back. She didn't.
Nothing important #4
My favorite wrong number story of all time was when I tried calling my grandma Onie probably about 8 years ago. I dialed the number and it was answered after a couple of rings by a “Hello?” and I jumped right in with “Hi Grandma, it’s Katie!” and she goes, “Hi Katie! How are you?” We had some usual start of phone greetings and she didn’t sound quite right, so I said…”orrrr, ARE you my grandma???”
And she said, “Well, I don’t know…who’s your grandma?” and I said, “Grandma Onie.”
“Oh, no. I’m Grandma Rose. But I DO have a granddaughter named Katie!”
We both laughed and I apologized for dialing the wrong number. Then I called my real grandma and told her what I just did and laughed with her too.
Nothing important #5
I had a knock at my door Friday evening. I wasn’t expecting anybody so I looked out my window and saw this young guy looking back at me. I figured he was going door to door selling newspaper subscriptions so he could pay for college- that’s who usually knocks on my door when I’m not expecting anybody. I went to my door and left it closed and locked and asked, “Who is it?”
“Uhh, I have a question for you.”
I thought, that DID NOT answer my question, and I am NOT buying a subscription to your newspaper, and I am NOT opening my door so you can refuse to willingly leave unless I buy a subscription making me feel bad that it’s my fault you will remain uneducated (that’s what happened with the last kid, I had to shut the door in his face because he wouldn’t stop after I told him no. I figured I just wouldn’t open the door at all this time). I responded with, “I don’t have any answers.”
It didn’t stop him from asking anyway. Still talking through the shut door, “uhhh, do you have any foil I can borrow? Like a little square piece of foil?...or a strip?...like, uhhh…”
Foil??? I told him yeah, I did, and to hang on a minute, which he did. I got a square piece of foil from my kitchen, went back to my door, opened it and handed it to him. He took it, thanked me, looked sheepish , then stuck his hand out and introduced himself and explained he needed something to wrap his burrito in. So random, but gosh dang it proper burrito wrapping can’t be neglected!
Nothing important #3
I just now realized in proof reading this post that I can't count, and am chronologically challenged.
2. To check my mailbox more often than every other week so my mail carrier doesn’t have to work so hard to jam all those ads in that little space.
3. An umbrella
4. More garbage bags
5. In person human contact. Facebook and phone calls don't cut it. I've been sick and haven’t left my apartment for 2 days (except to dump my garbage and check my mail a while ago- which was exciting). Being alone never really bothered me- probably because I’ve never had to be truly alone for any extended period of time, but I’m starting to see how solitude can lead to insanity. Last night I kept hearing these high pitched beeps and didn't know if it was in my head or my neighbor's apartment. Luckily they stopped.
I had a person walk in today wanting to interview a nurse for a class she was taking or something. “Are you a nurse? I need to get through 5 questions”. Yep, I’m a nurse. I was busy but figured 5 questions couldn’t take that long and I didn’t want her taking up any of my other nurse’s time. She first asked me what led me to choose my profession. I told her I wanted a job that would allow me to be self-sufficient and would be something that I enjoyed learning about so I chose nursing. She looked at me blankly and said, “so… would you say helping people?” It was my turn to give her the blank look. ...Sure.
I would have liked to have taken more time to explain that helping people is just an added bonus, and my initial decision to go into nursing was 100% selfish (because I found it interesting for myself)- but I was busy and needing to get back to work and I honestly don’t think she understood much of what I had said so I didn't think it would help to repeat it. There may have been a language barrier. I still have no idea what she was trying to ask in one of her questions. I answered her after I made her rephrase it 3 times and I don’t even know if I answered it appropriately. I kept telling her I didn’t understand what she was asking. At the end of her 5 questions she wanted to know my position and I told her(after I had already told her earlier in the interview in response to the question of what kind of education and background a person needs for my job). Then she wanted to know how to spell it. I started out D-I-R… and then felt ridiculous, so I just gave her my card.
Best of luck to her in whatever she is endeavoring to do. I have no idea what she took away from that interview, because I'm still confused about some of it myself.