Tear tear, sniff SNF

I was looking for something I had written a couple years ago on my jump drive and in the process of looking for it, found a few conversations I had had with patients at the SNF I used to work at that I typed and saved. I probably never would have done it, but when I got enough of them I wanted to compile them into a book called “Tear Tear Sniff SNF: Conversations from a skilled nursing facility that will make you laugh so hard you cry…or maybe just cry.” There were a lot more funny conversations than I have written here or can remember, but these were the few I documented before I was terminated. I wish I had thought to write down more sooner. As hellish as it was at that place, it did have it’s entertaining moments. I’m glad I found this because the horrible experience in my last few months there almost made me forget how much I actually loved the people we took care of…even if they were crazy.

Conversation #1

(we referred to the patients we took care of as “residents” since most of them lived there, so don’t be confused when you see the term “resident” in the conversation set up)

Resident: (yelling- which was her norm, she had severe dementia and frequently called out) God! God! Help me! God!

Me: He hears you, and I hear you. You’re yelling.

Resident: (In a regular speaking voice) No I’m not. I don’t hear anything!

Me: I do. You’re calling out very loudly.

Resident: I don’t believe you. (continues to yell despite inquiries into what she needs. Apparently she only needs God and he wasn’t answering- I had CNA’s who used to pretend they were God and talk back to her from behind the bedside curtain. I asked them not to, only because I didn’t feel it was respectful of the patient, OR God, and it was just kind of sad).

Me: I’m afraid you’re going to worry the other residents with your yelling. It’s Sunday, let’s use our reverent voices.

Resident: (Continues to yell even louder) GOD! GOD! Where are you?! God!

Me: God hears us better when we use quiet voices.

Resident: (In a more hushed, quiet tone) God, God. Help me, God.

Conversation #2

I needed to hang an antibiotic for a patient who was sleeping. Not wanting to startle her and risk her pulling her arm away while I was flushing the line or attaching the med that could possibly pull the IV out I gently woke her up and explained what I was going to do. I stopped talking, and started wiping the IV port with alcohol before I flushed it and she opened her eyes, looked at me and said, “You have beautiful teeth”. I thanked her and thought it was remarkable that she could know that when I wasn’t smiling or speaking to show my teeth when she finally opened her eyes and looked at me.

Conversation #3

(This conversation is also about teeth, but it’s a different day with a different resident. I find teeth are a common conversation topic among the elderly and confused…maybe because they don’t have theirs anymore)

Resident: You have beautiful teeth.

Me: Thank you!

Resident: Yes, yes, and you know what? You need to go to the dentist!

Me: I do?

Resident: Yes you do. Your teeth are awful.

Me: Oh no, they are? They’re all messed up huh?

Resident: Yes, you need to go to the dentist.

Me: Ok, I will

Resident: You will? Where will you go to the dentist?

Me: Just around the corner here.

Resident: Where? I want to go around the corner to the dentist.

Me: I’m not really going to go to the dentist. I was just pretending.

Resident: You lied to me?

...A few minutes later with the same lady...

Resident: Well, you’re all smiles.

Me: Yes I am!

Resident: (Suddenly switching to a severely scolding tone) Well you’d better stop it.

Me: (Smile instantly replaced with a very sincere looking face) Ok, smiles gone. No smiling.

She nodded her approval and I had to walk away so she wouldn’t see me laughing.

Conversation #4

Resident: You’d better study. You need to study the book.

Me: Which book?

Resident: You know which book.

Me: I do?

Resident: Yes you do. And you’d better say your prayers.

Me: Ok, I’ll say my prayers.

Conversation #5

I heard a couple female residents calling out for help and found a confused male resident was trying to go into their room, and they didn’t want him in there. I figured he mistakenly thought it was his room so I tried to re-direct him.

Me: Hi there Mr. __ .You can’t go in there. That’s not your room. Your room is this way. Watch out.”

I had to tell him to watch out for the door as I closed it because even though I pulled him back he rolled right back to go in and was reaching for the door handle with his hand. I got the door closed and stood in front of it and again told him it wasn’t his room and I’d show him where his room was.

Resident: Open that door.

Me: I’m sorry I can’t. This is the ladies bedroom, they don’t want visitors today.

Resident: You open that door or I’m gonna shoot you.

Me: That’s not very nice.

Resident: Do you really think I’m gonna shoot you?

Me: (looking him right in the eye) No. I don’t.

The resident looked at me with a steady unsmiling glare like he really did want to shoot me, raised his hand in the shape of a gun and pulled an imaginary trigger 3 or 4 times at my head, said nothing else and wheeled away in his wheel chair.

Conversation #6

I came in to bring a paranoid delusional resident a glass of water and to see if I could calm her down because nursing had just gone in to take care of her and left her in a yelling fit…which was her norm. No matter how nice you were to her or what you did anything more than dropping off her food tray and she thought you were evil as soon as you walked in the room. If you gave her medicine or tried to give her a bath she would send you right to hell if she could. “Dirty rotten criminal” was a familiar refrain echoing out of her room.

Resident: (indignant) I thought I got rid of those kinds of people! I thought they were gone! I didn’t know she worked here still, those dirty rotten criminals! I thought I was done with them! Unless they came back when they sold this place to the Mormons. Are you a dirty rotten Mormon?

Note: our facility was recently bought and owned by a corporation run by Jewish men. And I AM a Mormon.

Me: ...uhhh, well, I’m not dirty or rotten...

Resident: Get out of here! Leave me alone, you dirty rotten criminal! Leave me alone! Get out!

Conversation #7

Usually most of our residents were 75+, but this resident was much younger, which makes this conversation that much more interesting, and my favorite of the few I wrote down.

Resident: (Excitedly, talking to me as if she was recognizing an old friend she hadn’t seen in a long time) HI!!

Me: (I didn’t say anything at first. I looked at her confused because I had just spoken with her not even 2 minutes before about how she had a good nap and that she was feeling giddy. I thought it was weird when she said she felt giddy a couple minutes before because to me it looked like she was still sleepy from the nap, but now she was up and the giddiness was apparent. I was still confused with the new and enthusiastic greeting of “Hi” though, considering I just left her room a moment before and she was talking like it was the first time she’d seen me all day). Hi

Resident: Are you getting ready? We’re going to rendezvous at Red Lobster.

Me: What?

Resident: Remember? We synchronized our watches 10 minutes ago. We’re rendezvousing at Red Lobster. It’s going to be a great time. Remember? We synchronized our watches.

Let it be known: Neither one of us was wearing a watch nor had there been any conversation about watches, Red Lobster or rendezvousing anywhere. I really thought she was playing a joke but it went on:

Me: Oh man, I’m going to have to miss out on that one tonight.

Resident: You can’t make it? That’s too bad; it’s going to be a great time.

She walked off, but returned a couple minutes later back at the nurses’ station.

Resident: Hi!

Me: (again?? What is going on?) Hi.

Resident: Will you come with me?

Me: Where do you want me to go?

Resident: To my room.

Me: What do you need?

Resident: I just want you in there with me.

Me: (okaaaayyy) Aww, that’s nice. I’ll tell you what. Maybe later I’ll come in for a little visit and see how you’re doing.

Resident: (with her eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas) And you’ll be my special friend?

Me: (what the heck???? Internally kind of freaking out not sure what she means, but outwardly responding politely) Yeah, I’ll be your buddy. (I was NOT going to use the term “special friend”)

Resident: Ok, and hey, even though you have to miss out on what we were talking about earlier, you should still come by tonight. We’re going to the Caribbean.

Me: Oh really? (So hard to keep a straight face talking to her)

Resident: Yeah, and we’re going to have virgin daiquiris every night. It’s going to be so much fun.

Me: Wow.

Resident: (starts walking off and calls back over her shoulder) And don’t forget to bring Charlie!

Me: Who’s Charlie?

Resident: (stops and thinks) Oh, you know. Every time I see someone pulling a bundle behind them I always call it Charlie.

Me: (What the…??)

Resident: (Laughs and walks off again calling over her shoulder) Don’t forget to bring your hubby!

Shallow gene pool

I have recently decided that liking someone just because they are smart is just as shallow as liking someone just because they are pretty.

Our phenotype is genetic. Or at least it used to be. Aside from hair dye, makeup, cosmetic surgery, etc. the way we look is determined through a combination of our parent’s genes. We can enhance our looks through clothing, jewelry and makeup, and ensure our bodies are healthy and therefore attractive through appropriate diet and exercise, but beyond this we are born with what we have and I think most will agree that some are born more physically beautiful than others without doing anything to earn it. They were just lucky. Even though they have beauty making them physically desirable it doesn’t mean they might not be a little “slow” or complete jerks. Because of this, and with the knowledge that “beauty fades” it is considered shallow to be attracted to or love someone based on physical appearance alone. There has to be something more substantial to base your love on.

Like intelligence? You never hear of anyone badmouthing someone for being attracted to someone because they’re smart, but really smart people are right there in the same lucky dream gene pool as the pretty people. Those people who are naturally smart, who can take everything in on the first go around and pass the test without taking notes or studying, who can say their alphabet backwards whilst completing a level 4 (or whatever the hardest level is) Sudoku puzzle, were lucky to be born with a brain that easily calculates, solves and learns. They didn’t necessarily do anything to earn that ability. And just because they’re smart doesn’t mean they’re not really ugly, or complete jerks. Therefore, I have concluded that to be attracted to someone just because they are smart is just as shallow as liking someone just because they are pretty.(Enter here childhood memories of the Anne of Green Gables movie when Diana says, “And Gilbert Blythe did say that being smart was better than being pretty”. FALSE. I have just discovered they are equals.)

There is a however. If a person works hard to be smart, I find that attractive. I also think it’s attractive when a person cares about their appearance and puts effort in to staying healthy and presentable. I’m not saying that a person who doesn’t have to work hard to be smart isn’t attractive. Just like there’s no denying pretty people who don’t have to try hard to be pretty are attractive, but alone smartness isn’t enough just as beauty isn’t enough. Beauty fades, sure. So does smartness. Dementia eventually will catch up in some degree with most people, and then we’ll be dumb and ugly with our car keys taken away wondering where our breakfast is even though it’s 3 in the afternoon. What have we got left? That’s what’s important. Yet despite this, no matter how sweet, thoughtful, good, or caring he may be, I don’t think I could ever become seriously involved with a stupid person and definitely not an ugly stupid person. It’s hard, but I’m starting to accept that I am a shallow person.

Walk away joe

I’m starting to develop a complex. Twice within 2 weeks, two different guys had initiated conversation with me and in the midst of my responding to a question they walk away…as I’m still talking. Was it something I said? Can you not hear me talking back to you? Is my breath that offensive? Did I bore you in my half a sentence? It’s not like I had been jabbering on and on and they couldn’t get a word in edgewise to say “nice talking to you, but I’m going over here now”. I wasn’t saying anything offensive or rude. And it wasn’t like a passing “What’s up?” and my trying to tell them all my woes they don’t care to hear when clearly they had somewhere they were going. Both times we had been talking for only a minute or so. Both times I was responding to something they had brought up and asked me about. And both times they didn’t have an emergent situation pressing them to run out of the room. Both times they stayed in the same room to talk to other people that weren’t going anywhere. I don’t care if you only want to talk to me for a minute as long as I know the conversation is over before you walk away and I look like a schizophrenic talking back to her voices.

Pretty pretty blue

I went grocery shopping earlier. I really didn't want to go and almost didn't, but I knew I'd regret it having only so much food left in my fridge and cupboards and knowing I won't have any time to go until Thursday- so I went. (I know, what an exciting thing to post about, but I never claimed this blog was about anything exciting. In fact "about nothing" is in the description so don't say I didn't warn you).

I went to 2 stores. I did most of my shopping at the first, and the second I went to just to pick up my dinner as a treat for myself since I didn't feel like making anything (and because I know you're curious, I got the Tuscan chicken sandwich from Safeway, it's a favorite of mine. And ginger ale. Yum) It doesn’t take much to entertain me and I usually find myself smiling at random things I see or thoughts I have even when I’m walking by myself. Here are few things I encountered on my dreaded shopping trip that made it entertaining for me:

1. A sign over the vitamins that said something like “Emptying vitamin bottles and leaving the empty container is SHOPLIFTING and you will be prosecuted.” Thanks for the warning. I had no idea. It’s sad that it was a problem to begin with.

2. The cashier telling the person behind me he should go to checkout #2 where there was no line after he already had his stuff on the conveyor belt and I was already done paying. She only had to bag 2 more things when she stopped and told him to go to the next lane so he wouldn’t have to wait. He got all his stuff, went to the next lane and the checker there stepped away before she saw the guy was coming, she had to get called back and in the end he wound up probably waiting longer than if he had stayed put where he was to start with. I had to smile at the irony when I saw the other cashier walking away.

3. Having the deli worker at safeway ask if I wore contacts (no) and then tell me they were a pretty pretty blue as he handed me my sandwich. Hahaha. I didn’t have the heart to break it to him that he got the color wrong, but it sure made me smile and laugh to myself after I thanked him and walked away.

4. Seeing my diet ginger ale on the conveyor belt between the beer of the person in front of me and vodka and ice of the people behind me. It didn’t quite fit the beverage theme for a Saturday night. I felt pleasantly innocent and enjoyed the contrast.

Super

I was super cranky today. I had a crazy shift at work, wasn’t able to fall asleep at all the 3 hours before I left for church so it was like a normal person going to church at 3 in the morning if they woke up at 7am the day before after working their third 12 hour shift of the week. I was so tired I felt like I could sit down and cry for no good reason. I wound up losing patience and spoke in a snotty tone to someone who was only trying to provide helpful although unsolicited instructions. I feel little for letting my crankiness win. I can’t remember the last time I let that happen with anybody other than immediate family. It might have been a first, and I hate that. I have my fair share of cranky days, but I usually have the presence of mind to keep myself in check when I’m dealing with people knowing that they don’t mean to ruffle my feathers and if I was feeling better the thing that had bothered me probably wouldn’t bother me so much. It really bugs me that I lost it today.


I feel super blessed. Every time I go for a jog whether it’s at dawn with the sun rising, dusk with the sun setting or in the middle of the afternoon when the pine needles are warm and fragrant; every time I drive to Chico on Skyway and see the pink/purple/blue sky as the sun sets with the purple mountain outline; every time I see the pink hazy clouds out of the windows at the end of a shift at the hospital as the sun comes up, I think to myself how awesome it is to live and work in Paradise. I love stepping outside, taking it all in and just breathing. It’s beautiful and so far I love it here. The stars in the sky are by far brighter than any other city I’ve lived in (which is only a few). Fall weather has come and it’s kind of fun to have the leaves fall around you as you make your way down the street. I’ve always felt that whenever a leaf fell near me that was God’s way of saying hello. I think it stemmed from when I was going to school at Sac State, and every time I got to the arboretum towards the pedestrian tunnel walking from the institute building a leaf would almost always fall as I passed. It made me sad the few times it didn’t happen. Sometimes without thinking I’ll catch myself saying hi to a leaf as it flutters to the ground near me, but whether I do or not falling leaves always make me smile.


I’m super lucky. I love that I have a job that is providing me with the experience I’ve worked so hard and long to get. I have super people I work with that make me feel super lucky to be there. I had a patient ask me the other day what my favorite part of nursing was. I thought about it for a minute and I told him I liked that I could increase my knowledge and skills while helping people at the same time. I find the most rewarding moments though are in the little things, like when I notice a patient looks cold and I bring them a warm blanket and they tell me I had just been sent from heaven.


I’m super grateful. Whenever I say my prayers I feel like I can never express the gratitude I feel for everything I have been blessed with this year. Sometimes I can’t believe how super blessed and super lucky I am. I’ll have to remember those the next time I’m super cranky so I’m not super rude.

Haha! Tricked you!

Ever since high school I have appeared to be younger than I am. I’ve made numerous people uncomfortable when they realized they just told a visiting 20 something year old woman walking the hallways of the church building to go to young womens (a church program for girls 12-17 years old), or were told by their JoAnn’s cashier on a Thursday morning, “No I don’t have classes today…No it isn’t a school holiday…what? No I’m not in highschool anymore.” When I was about 22 or so we had sister missionaries over for dinner and they thought my younger brother by 4 years was older than I was. I love seeing people’s reactions when they find out. Always surprise followed by awkward words to try to make up for their mistake as if trying to make me feel better about looking so young such as: “Oh! Don’t worry, you’re going to LOVE that when you’re older!” or, “Well, you’re lucky. You’re going to be carded well into your thirties” or whatnot. It’s really funny. I don’t need reassurance that I will love looking young when I’m old, because I loved looking young when I was young. To others I still appear to be younger than I am, but upon closer scrutiny you can see the fine lines and crinkles around my eyes and white hair growing in, but I seem to be the only one that sees it. The really fun awkward moments (like the above instances rather than someone just thinking I’m a few years younger than I am- which is a regular occurrence) are happening much less often, but I find they still occasionally pop up.

I must have a young sounding voice too, because I was making an appointment with a piano tuner over the phone yesterday and he didn’t ask me about when I’d be free, or home, or what my work schedule was, he asked if I had school in the mornings. Whenever stuff like that happens I kind of want to laugh and say, “haha! Tricked you!”

I went to a dinner and a church broadcast for women 18 and older last weekend and was sitting at a table with a few friends and a couple other women whom I didn’t know, but seemed to be maybe in their early 30’s (I’m a horrible judge of age myself) and young moms (one was pregnant). The pregnant lady was asking everybody’s names at our table and there were a couple younger girls sitting next to me and she asked if we were all freshmen. The first girl said no, she just graduated with a BA. They talked for a bit. She went on to the next girl who WAS a freshman. They talked for a bit. Then she looked at me and asked if I was a freshman too. I just smiled shook my head and said no. She said, “Oh, what…(slight pause here while she tried to figure out the rest of her question and finished with-) are you?” I told her I was nurse. That took her by surprise, and it took her a minute to recover and process what I said. My response probably wasn’t anywhere along the lines of what she was thinking because she seemed confused and was saying stuff like, “oh…so…you’re…” not really completing any sentence. Haha! Tricked you!

I could tell she wanted to ask how old I was, but she was too polite to do it. She finally got her next question out “But you go to the YSA ward right?” She seemed relieved when I told her I did. She was a very nice lady. I never hold it against anyone when they mistake my age, mostly because I think it’s funny, they already seem to be uncomfortable enough when they find out, and even though they wrongfully assumed something it’s not like it was an offensive assumption. They didn’t call me Mister, or ask when my baby was due. I’m not sure how much longer I can pull it off, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the discrepancy between my appearance and my age. I feel like my age is a secret to the world and it’s been fun messing with people without even doing anything.

Stoo

Yesterday I left my apartment in the morning and there was this stool just sitting there under my kitchen window in front of my door. It was still there when I got back and there it stayed all day and all night. I was going to take a picture of it, write a story about it and then move it to one of my neighbor’s doorways so they might enjoy its company as much as I had. I named it Stoo. I left this morning to run an errand, and Stoo was still there. It was still there when I got back. I went to dump my garbage a few minutes after returning and on my way back from the dumpster remembered that I had wanted to take a picture of my visiting stool. When I approached my doorway I found Stoo had disappeared. Must have been camera shy. It was a nice visit while it lasted.